Let’s play a word association game. I say step-mother and you say…………….

Step-mother - why is there such a negative association with that word? Is it because of fairy tales like Cinderella? Are step-mom’s really these awful people who only love their real children and hate the children of their spouses? I had a friend that had several step-moms and she usually referred to them as step-monsters. At the time I thought it was funny. Little did I know that one day I would be a step-monster, I mean mom. But not only am I a step-mom but I had a step-mom as well.

I am surprised in this day and age when marriages fail at a rate of 50% that there is still this misconception of step-moms as being evil people. Or that being a step mom is not an important part of someone’s life. Like I mentioned, I had a step-mom, I say “had” because she passed away not too long ago. She was a good person; I don’t recall her saying mean things about people and don’t recall ever seeing her get mad. Now she was human and I’m sure she had her moments, but for the most part all I saw was good and I really cared about her. And when she died, I was sad, and I will miss her because she was a part of my life, a good part of my life. But I guess that no one really thinks that I would feel this way because no one thought to send me a “sympathy” card and no one thought to call me and ask me how I was feeling, this not only made me sad because I wanted someone to say, “hey I’m sorry for your loss” but it also made me sad because I’M A STEP-MOM! Is my role in my step kids lives viewed as an unimportant one? And does this mean that when I die, my step kids won’t have anyone say “Gee I’m sorry your step-mom died”. Or maybe someone will say, “I’m sorry your step-mom died but she was JUST a step-mom………….. “

I know from experience that being a step mom is not always easy and that just because there is not a biological relation does not mean that there isn’t a relationship. It takes time to build a bond and there can be many struggles along the way but what you end up with is not a fairy tale but reality. And that reality is family and love and much, much more.

So here is to all the step-mom’s out there, I appreciate all that you do and all that you are and I hope that no one ever makes you feel like you are an unimportant part of someone life because you are just a step-mom.